Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
