I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
