I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
