I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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