One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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