I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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