When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
