Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
zippers are such a cool invention
Hippo gnu deer
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
