all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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