WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
