The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
