i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
