I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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