why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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