Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
