Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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