I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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