I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
