I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
