Welp...herpes.
My cat gives me a boner
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
