he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
