she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
