Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
