the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
