My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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