I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
