Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
