I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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