you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
