sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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