Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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