i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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