kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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