to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
