I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
as a side note pls kill me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
