i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
PANTIES FOUND
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