That's intense
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
