She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
