So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The Olympian is in my bed
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