So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
