You can't motorboat a personality
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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