i already hear my dad disowning me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
