Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
