I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
