bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
