I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think i got beer on your cat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
