I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
