If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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