Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
