We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
third nipple confirmed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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