it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
