i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the raccoons are back...
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