So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
