She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
